This post is taken from a podcast available on Spotify, Apple, and YouTube. It’s a conversation between a mother (Tracy) and her daughter (Alexandrine) as they explore the question: “Am I dyslexic?” The conversation highlights some of the hurtful things that have been said and the power of perseverance.
Tracy: Hello everyone. Today, Alexandrine and I want to talk about some perceptions about what dyslexia is and kind of get into the nitty-gritty. Some of the things that we’re going to share may be a little harsh, but they’re based on real experiences that Alex, you have had. Things that have been said as recently as a few years ago. I thought it was important not to sugarcoat it, because there are a lot of perceptions that are out there about what dyslexia is and about what being dyslexic means. So, let’s just get started.
Alexandrine: Hi everyone. Yeah, I feel like, there’s this connotation now, it’s “the D-word.” You know, what does dyslexia mean? I just think that before when I was in high school, six to seven years ago, there was definitely not enough research about dyslexia and what that meant. You know, how the brain processes information differently. But I think now things are starting to change, but I still don’t think we are at the level where we need to be.
Tracy: Yes, and I think part of the issue is that the research existed. In fact the research has been around for 30 years, right? But it’s been in a different realm, whether it’s Neuropsychology, and didn’t make it into Education. I think with the Science of Learning sharing that there is a way for the brain to learn to read has helped. But, as with everything, there’s still a societal perception of what being dyslexic means.
Alexandrine: Yeah, absolutely, and I think the biggest message that I’m going to say right now, start from the beginning, is that being dyslexic doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I think that’s such a powerful message. I’ve become my own advocate. I am a high-achieving person. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Economics. I graduated with a Master of Arts in Brand Management. So like, I’ve been very dedicated to my education, and it hasn’t always been easy, but being dyslexic does not mean you’re stupid. It’s just that your brain processes information differently, and you need to find a way to work with it.
Tracy: Right, work with your strengths. When you set your mind to something, it’s a matter of persevering, and I think that’s really, really important. So, why don’t we go back several years because it seems like these perceptions didn’t just appear yesterday, but are based on some experiences that you’ve had along the way. You mentioned high school, so why don’t we kind of journey back?
Alexandrine: Let’s journey back in our little time machine. So basically, I just, I really think that people’s reaction to the word dyslexia is just so…I’m speechless. It’s just something that’s uneducated. After I got my diagnosis, you know, there was a little bit of a relief, or at least I had a little bit of relief, understanding why sometimes things were a little bit harder for me. I remember when I sat down with my school’s psychologist, and we were talking about being dyslexic. And in this conversation, I was basically told that if I ever wanted to have help with anything, I would have to drop out of any advanced courses; that included AP, that included IB courses, which I was fully capable of taking.
Tracy: Right, so let’s step back a sec. When you said if you wanted any help, such as timing accommodations or anything, because one of the things that we notice is that brain processing speed of dyslexics may be slightly slower. Not everyone, as each individual is unique. But in your instance, the speed at which you process information was different than let’s say the average person. So they said, (to clarify this was in high school) that any type of assistance, accommodations, or anything could only be achieved by dropping out of advanced classes.
Alexandrine: Yeah, and honestly, saying that, which was so powerful to someone who’s really trying their best and wanting to achieve this advanced education. I’m at a loss of words because it’s something that really affects you, and what you think, and your perception of. Does that mean I’m stupid because I’m dyslexic? And you really start having this moment where you start questioning yourself. You’re like, “Well, I’m dyslexic, so that means I am stupid.” But I think it was just the wrong approach where instead of honestly trying to come up with other ways that maybe someone could have helped me with my spelling or someone could have helped me or learning how to use audiobooks or like what technologies existed instead of me having to then say, “Absolutely not, I’m refusing to drop out, I will find my own way.”
Tracy: So let’s step back a sec because if I remember correctly in high school, and this might be pre-diagnosis, you also had, and I’m going to call it a chip on your shoulder, in the sense of you didn’t want to show how much time it would take you to actually accomplish your homework. So why don’t you talk a little bit about that because I think that can be helpful to people that are listening.
Alexandrine: Absolutely. So, I definitely will say, a lovely thing about my school was that being smart and wanting to achieve was actually considered kind of cool. All the jocks were high-achieving students, and you know, you would really want to push yourself to do that. In middle school, things were still coming more naturally and easily to certain students. And so because of that, in my mind, I would never show anyone that I was struggling. If it took me five hours to write a paragraph, it took me five hours to write a paragraph. I would say good night to everyone, and then I’d go into my room, and I would just start working, and so I would refuse to show to anyone how hard I was committed to making things work for me. And I think that was something really, really big throughout my journey. I never learned how to ask for help when I needed it.
Tracy: Okay, so in high school, there was no sense of being able to advocate for yourself.
Alexandrine: No. I think a big thing is that when you don’t know how to advocate for yourself, when you don’t know what’s the underlying issue, it’s really hard to go out and say, “I’m advocating for myself,” when I don’t even know what to advocate for. I think that’s one thing that stuck for me. But it was more than that. I remember one conversation that I had with my friend about the word dyslexia. We were in a group setting and when I said, you know, we were talking about dyslexics, and I said, “Oh yeah, like I can definitely relate to that. I am dyslexic.” I mean the room just got cold. They were like, “But you’re smart, Alex, so you’re clearly not dyslexic.” And this was not the first time that something like this was said.
Tracy: Do you remember what happened with the AP courses that you took or what happened in class?
Alexandrine: Can I share that? This one really stuck with me. This was a really powerful moment, but you know, we were in AP History, and we were all a little bit quick with each other. You know, we would make comments quickly, but that was just the vibe of the room. And I remember one time someone actually said to me, “Alex, so what are you going to do for the exam? Are you going to go into the retard room?” And I just remember being shocked and hurt and not even knowing how to respond to that. I mean, for God’s sake, this was six years ago, in 2019. The connotation of the word was a little bit different, but it still had that negative connotation. It should not have been used in that way. And I just remember being shocked and speechless, and I’m not a person who remains speechless for long! I had no clue how to respond to that because I was like, “Really, we’re here, we’re in the same class, we’re doing the same workload, like we’re achieving the same thing, and because I have a learning disability, you think that?” I was just so shocked and stunned. That’s all I could remember. I was just stunned that there was this lack of education around dyslexia, that he actually said the R-word with dyslexic. I was just shocked…[Click on the link below to watch or listen to the entire conversation of I’m dyslexic not stupid | Am I dyslexic?]
